Bill Barol

Ad agency Saatchi & Saatchi has come up with a sticker that, when attached to the peephole in an apartment door, makes it look like there's a pizza guy outside. The product is the first release from Saatchi's "Scaring Agoraphobics Silly Lab," and, honestly, the mockup frightens even me. Maybe it's the imperturbable look in the pizza guy's cold, dead eyes; the caretaker in "The Shining" unnerved me less. Maybe it's the fact that Papa John's famously features something called "Cheesesticks," which are served with marinara sauce; don't look now, but that's a side of pizza you just ordered with your pizza. Or maybe it's that I don't want even the square inch of optical glass that sits between me and the outside world (well, that and a steel-reinforced door, a sophisticated security system and a cunning array of booby traps) colonized by Madison Avenue. And where does it end? What's to stop some prankster from coming up with a sticker featuring Rita Cosby, Sharon Stone, or one of my lawyers? Because baby, if that happens I'm coming out shooting.