Bill Barol

You have to love CNN for its devil-may-care approach to Armageddon. LARGE ASTEROID ZIPS PAST EARTH, The Most Trusted Name In Newstertainment banners a story about a half-mile-wide boulder that just came within 269,000 miles of torching the Earth, melting the polar ice caps and sending what's left of our planetary home into a second Ice Age. The "Everybody mambo!" part is, I guess, implied.

Alas, that kind of tone-deafness is typical of cable news. Maybe the broadcasters need some help. Maybe they need a succinct set of guidelines. Herewith, as a public service, some suggestions:

FORBIDDEN WORDS 2006 (Cable News Edition)

• Chilling
• "What do you think? We want to hear from you."
• Blogosphere
• Dramatic
• "You're in the Situation Room."
• Tragedy
• "Your {insert noun here} headquarters"
• Lockdown
• {Insert noun here} Watch
• Ominous
• Shocking
• Icon
• "Stay tuned for Rita Cosby."
  

Other nominations? Send 'em along.